Lavender & Lace

“My heart is heavy within me.
It aches and bleeds all day long.
Why is your face downcast?
Why do you walk as one among the dead?
Has not God redeemed you?
Has he not given you a firm place to stand?
Be lifted high, oh my soul, for my eyes are tired of weaping
And I have nowhere to turn in my sorrow.”

I picked up a book by Mark Vroegop called; Dark Cloud Deep Mercy. I’ve slowly been making my way through it because it is a heavy read about what it looks like to grieve as a Christian. I’ve found the book extremely helpful as it encourages reading of the Psalms and the book of Lamentations. And while I am pretty well versed in the Psalms, I’m not with the latter, and one of the big points he makes about this in the book is that as Christians we are generally very uncomfortable with pain. And as such, it is difficult to find support within the church community when wrestling with deep, overwhelming emotions.

I even encountered this as a young girl while struggling through the first couple seasons of what would end up being a lifetime struggle with major depression. My parents and pastors all repeated the same things, “pray more/have more faith and stop choosing to be unhappy”. None of which was very helpful, especially when my personal faith was called into question. As if somehow not spending enough time with God resulted in the “unhappiness” I was plagued with.

This eventually led me to hiding and secrecy, because I didn’t feel it was acceptable to feel what I felt.

But when you turn to the Bible you realize that God gives so much permission for us to cry out in pain. So many of the characters lived lives of immense disappointment and suffering. It’s all over! Just turn to the big, bad, book of Job for one.

But many of us are not taught this. Instead we are taught that being redeemed in Christ means an ever present outpouring of joy. And is there joy, absolutely! But Jesus himself says, time and time again, “Take up your cross and follow me.” Which in my view is a perfect depiction of what it means to be a Christian. There will be hurt, there will be suffering, life isn’t fair, but we don’t have to go through it alone.

So, I have found this book helpful. No matter where you find yourself. God is not afraid of your sorrow. He will not reject it or hide from it. There won’t be anything you can say to Him that He hasn’t already heard, I can promise you that. And, I can also promise that he will meet you there in it.

As another Teresa wrote; “Pain and suffering have come into your life, but remember pain, sorrow, suffering are but the kiss of Jesus – a sign that you have come so close to Him that He can kiss you.”

You don’t have to hide your pain from Him. He already sees it. And invites us to express it to him in an act of worship that is so incredibly beautiful in his sight.

Be encouraged my friends, hope this helps.